One of the key elements of communication is listening!

In fact, “Listening is our most frequently used and least studied communication skill” (Pearson, 2008, p. 109).

I must admit that although I am a good listener (at least I think I am), sometimes catch myself interrupting someone towards the end of their story; (*sigh*) I am working on this. I find I get so excited to connect with someone that I just want to jump right in and let them know I that “hey I feel you, I understand.”

If you really stop and think about it “listening” is part of what fuels societies social, emotional and professional success. When we truly listen, we start exercising our critical thinking. Critical thinking in conversation and action allows communication, conversations and relationships to go to a deeper level. Also, when we demonstrate good listening skills, we cultivate the skill in others by acting as an effective listening remodel.

Nevertheless, studies show that communication skills can be improved. For example, I have learned that it’s much easier for me to practice in a one-on-one conversation as opposed to a group environment. I give my attention to the speaker and absorb all the elements of her/his story (verbal and non-verbal) and take slow breaths (thank you mind-body classes). This allows me to focus on a mind-body type of connection, quite my mind and helps me improve my connection to the speaker.

5 Tips to Improve Listening Skills:

1. Focus! Listen acutely (without interrupting).

2. Eyes up. Don’t stare into the speaker’s eyes the whole time this can be uncomfortable. Simple keep your focus in their vicinity and maintain an appropriate distance.

Okay, you are in my personal space – Too close!

3. Pause. Pause and breathe before replying. Don’t rush to respond. Show them that you are processing the information.

4. Clarify. Clarify your understanding by re-stating a brief summary or sentiment of the discussion.

5. Feedback. Provide communication/feedback in your own words or non-verbal (ie. Hug).

Do you want to move towards success in your relationships, career and life? Then take a communication inventory next time you converse with a significant other, family member, friend, employee or a colleague and see how your listening skills rate!

International Listening Association

The International Listening Association (ILA) is the scholarly organization devoted to the study and teaching of listening behaviors. The ILA website has a wide variety of information about listening including quotations, bibliographies, and links to research articles.  www.listen.org

Reference

Pearson, J. (2008). Human Communication (5th ed.). New York: McGraw-Hill